Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes." This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

---

I thought this was hilarious!

I really hate it when what I should say is " Please retract your previous statement, ma'am." When what I really want to say is "Go eat a bowl of dicks you dirty old cunt!!!"

give it a lick.. mmm it tastes just like raisins.

Song Title: The Best Is Yet To Come
Artist: Rika Muranaka
Play:
Lyrics:
English translation

--------

Do you remember the time
when little things made you happy?
Do you remember the time
when simple things made you smile?
Life can be wonderful,
If you let it be.
Life can be simple,
If you try.

Whatever happened to those days?
Whatever happened to those nights?
Do you remember the time
When little things made you sad?
Do you remember the time
When simple things made you cry?

Is it just me
Or
Is it just us?

Feeling lost in this world?
Why do we have to hurt each other?
Why do we have to shed tears?
Life can be beautiful,
If you try.
Life can be joyful,
If we try.
Tell me
I'm not alone.
Tell me
We are not alone in this world,
Fighting against the wind.
Do you remember the time
When simple things made you happy?
Do you remember the time
When little things made you laugh?

You know,
Life can be simple?
You know,
Life is simple.
Because
The best thing in life is yet to come.
Because...
The best is yet to come...

---

Just came up randomly out of my 50 some odd gigs of music and I felt the urge to post it.

http://omegle.com/

Song Title: Still Alive
Artist: ??
Dedicated to: To everyone who knows the cake is not really a lie....
Play:
Lyrics:
This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
Aperture Science!
We do what we must
because we can.
For the good of all of us.
Except the ones who are dead.
But there's no sense crying over every mistake.
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
And the Science gets done.
And you make a neat gun.
For the people who are still alive.

I'm not even angry.
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart.
And killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned, it hurt because I was so happy for you!
Now these points of data make a beautiful line.
And we're out of beta.
We're releasing on time.
So I'm GLaD. I got burned.
Think of all the things we learned
for the people who are still alive.

Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
Maybe Black Mesa...
THAT WAS A JOKE.
HAHA. FAT CHANCE.
Anyway, this cake is great.
It's so delicious and moist.
Look at me still talking
when there's Science to do.
When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I'm not you.
I've experiments to run.
There is research to be done.
On the people who are still alive.

And believe me, I am still alive.
I'm doing Science and I'm still alive.
I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.
While you're dying, I'll be still alive.
And when you're dead, I will be still alive.

STILL ALIVE...

STILL ALIVE...

---

Mind twisting, perception warping portal puzzles...wheeee!!!

Started the day with a little trip to the Municipal Court building to pay off a little traffic ticket. I still don't understand how a system that gets feed soooooo much money can afford reused laminated place numbers for the waiting line. Better than that, why can't the city afford to pay its employees to actually know where the FUCKKK they are in proportion to where you need to go? I was sent to three different lines in three different buildings on three different floors mind you, to pay a BS seat belt ticket???? After swallowing that tasty wad of acrimony, I ambled my way to work........WHICH WAS THE BEST PART OF MY DAY THUS FAR?????????? After that I hit ye ole job hunt. After waiting 45 min to return an application to a potential manager, I am informed he was not to be found on premise. MMMMMM, more bullshit to chew. As I am leaving, I hear a familiar and friendly female voice from the kitchen call my name."Hi, Lester.... Hey!!!" Since I am in no mood to even try to feign civility, I keep walking for the door. The register lady in what I can only guess was a desperate attempt to break her own monotony, ask "Are you Lester?" While still holding the application that carried my full name in the top right black..... I could only stop and take a breath to step back from the mic. Thank the great lord Jebus that my girly is coming over for dinner and movies!

He sent me that LOL!

And now for how I feel:

Homeless Singer Has Amazing Voice - Watch more Funny Videos

However, last night I had one of the craziest most awesome dreams that I have had in sometime.


I was a deity! I had shoulder length black hair, and these two horns that did like hell boy when he was evil or that demon from warcraft. Anyway I was ruler of this planet, but the thing was I wasn't exactly a good deity. For many years I was the sole controller of this planet. While most of my people didn't care about me, there were many that thought I was cruel and petty. During the course of the dream another deity showed up on the scene for control of my planet and my people. Oddly enough this deity was in the image of Jinnie. When Jinnie arrived the people that despised me started to call to her for help. She taught them how to make great immense war machines. (Seriously one of these things flew over my head later in the dream and it was HUGE!) Anyway during the course of the war of control, they found a ritual that would for a lack of a better word bind my deity self in a human body sort of. I still had all of my powers, but my memory was gone of who I was or what I was.

Apparently though Jinnie (that wasn't her name in the dream but it was Jinnie) was NOT the benevolent queen she had convinced the people she was. Turns out Jinnie was even more cruel than I was, only she was more interested in vengeance and bloodshed. In my "mortal" form I had white/blondish hair and was found by a group of people. This tribe welcomed me, and taught me a lot of the value of things. During my time spent with them I met a girl that was in the image of Hollie. We hit it off immediately, but Hollie was some sort of priestess and she knew who I really was, but she also knew that if I got my memory back I might turn evil once more. So she made a bargain with Jinnie that if her death squads would spare me and her village she would sacrifice herself.

Once I found out about this though I raced to try and stop the ritual from going through. Sacrificing Hollie would not only have made Jinnie stronger, but also Jinnie had no intention of keeping her word. Fortunately though I did have followers, and my followers had managed to build their own super machines. I was on the ground when one of them dropped something like a nuke on the site of Hollie's tribe. They had to stop her from making Jinnie stronger, and they didn't know I was forced into a mortal form. I witnessed the light as Hollie's village was destroyed. I remember getting really angry that I was too late, and then the sonic wave of the bomb washed over me. I remember a slight bit of pain as the explosion rocked through me, but then when the cloud settled my hair had turned back to black and my horns were back. I was once again in deity form.

I took my anger out on the whole planet. Unlike Jinnie I COULD directly interfere because I was the designated ruler of the planet. I destroyed all of Jinnie's followers, and then had a magnificent Deity battle with Jinnie. I finally won, but barely. Once the battle was over, I still had my memories of being with Hollie's tribe, and what it was like to do good instead of just mess with the mortals lives. I went about restoring everything that the great war had caused, and also restored Hollie's tribe and her back to life.

The dream ended with me once again on my throne, but there were loud cheers and happy faces instead of the way they treated me before. As I was on the throne, an emissary was walking toward my council chamber. It was Hollie and people from her tribe, coming to wish me thanks for saving them.

And then I woke up to sound of my cell phone going off. Isn't that a bitch? Damn awesome dream though!

Some seriously awesome driving in this sequence